Author: docallegro

Consulting Psychologist
Specialties in: Cognitve-Behavioral Interventions, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, Stress Management, Relationship Expertise, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Fluent in Spanish

A Trip to the Emergency Room

Recently, my wife, Lisa, had been referred to an Emergency Room (E.R.) setting by a doctor due to swelling and a black and blue leg from a surgical operation involving a hip replacement.  My wife had been told by a tele-health doctor that she needed to go to the E.R. because of possible arterial involvement via a vascular etiology of swelling.  In layman’s terms, Lisa had unusual swelling post-surgery.  The referral was based on photos she had sent to the doctor that was seeing her online as there were no doctors available to see her in person.

Upon arrival at the E.R. a little after 1 p.m., we were told to stand in a line to register as a new patient.  Because Lisa could not stand and was in a wheelchair, it was left to me to endure the slow process of waiting my turn.  We wondered why people had to stand in line. We thought a way of making the process more patient friendly and helpful would be for an intake person to direct patients to take a number and be served when their number came up.  As a close friend, who works in an E.R. setting told me, some patients may have to be seen immediately if they are suffering from acute chest pains, a sign of a possible heart attack.   Because Lisa with the other patients had to stand in a line before meeting the nurse who inquired about their symptoms, the hospital appeared to lack an immediate screening procedure to monitor the gravity of a patient’s visit.

When Lisa was finally seen about an hour later by the intake team, she was not informed as to what they had decided.  From here, we both sat for another three hours until she was called, and as they started wheeling her into a room, they told her she was going to have an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot.  Here is where things became chaotic.  The technician doing the ultrasounds reported that E.R. does not handle what she had been sent to the E.R. for, a vascular etiology of swelling.  A week earlier she had been referred for an ultrasound for swelling of the leg that turned out negative.  Now the swelling and black and blue marks were more extensive in covering her leg and toes. Not clear as to why she was having the same procedure again and, because she thought it was unnecessary, she refused it. 

By now I had pretty much lost track of time, so I had no idea how much time had elapsed.  Lisa later told me the ultrasound tech had talked to the charge nurse who found a room for her per order of her surgeon, Dr. Park, who was at the hospital at that time.

After some more time had gone by, she was finally seen by a staff doctor, who told her she had a pulse that indicated that her circulation was normal.  Insofar as we were already at the hospital, although not essential, he said it would not hurt to have another ultrasound done.  When Lisa and I both asked when she would be receiving it, the doctor did not know.  He also pointed out the obvious:  There are not enough of us to handle the influx of patients. He let Lisa know that her surgeon, Dr. Park, had been consulted and had ordered an X-ray of the hip and would see her that night. We both asked the charge nurse how long we would have to wait for the ultrasound but she also could not give us an answer. 

It was now well into the evening and neither of us had eaten anything, so I ordered dinner for the two of us and picked it up while Lisa waited to be called for the ultrasound.  When I returned with our dinner, Lisa still had not been called in for the ultrasound.  It was after 9 p.m! However, her surgeon was in the room, checked her feet for a pulse, and told her the X-ray of her leg revealed no abnormalities.  Finally, some good news.  He confirmed what the staff doctor had said that it could not hurt to have the ultrasound done insofar as she was already at the hospital.

Upon once more asking the charge nurse how much longer Lisa needed to wait for the ultrasound, none of the staff present knew.  It was now about midnight, and a new shift of workers had arrived.  When the nurse came in to check on Lisa, he had no idea how much longer we needed to wait at which point, Lisa, extremely angry, lashed out at him.  The charge nurse then came in visibly upset at Lisa’s reaction denying any sort of culpability.  Although it was not their fault, I told them we were both frustrated after having waited over 6 hours without receiving any knowledge as to when the procedure would occur.  Upon checking the records, the nurse said Lisa had been put at the back of the line when she had canceled the ultrasound much earlier.  We both insisted that she find out how much longer we needed to wait.

After leaving the room, the charge nurse returned in about five minutes and told us that Lisa was 11th on line confirming that there were 10 people in front of her.  She asked if we wanted to wait; we told her we had had enough and were ready to leave.   After gathering all of Lisa’s belongings, the nurse returned to the room and informed us that a patient had rejected the ultrasound and, that we could have his turn right now.  We thanked her, and at last, Lisa had the ultrasound.  It was a little after 1 a.m.in the morning when we departed from the hospital after a 12–hour siege.

During Lisa’s E.R. visit, ironically and apropos to the situation, I read a piece in the New York Times with the heading:  Can E.R.s Handle Hardest Cases?  The article detailed how on September 23rd a 20-year-old Columbia undergraduate, named Sam, had gone to the E.R. at Mount Sinai Morningside in New York City with symptoms of a headache and chills.  Physical exam ruled out meningitis and tests for Covid, flu and respiratory syncytial virus (R.S.V.) were all negative, so he was discharged and given Tylenol and Zohran (prevents nausea and vomiting).  However, the next day his condition worsened:  He had thrown up all day with uncontrollable shivering and painful leg cramps.  He returned to Mount Sinai Morningside the next day; a patient returning to E.R. within a short time is considered a red flag.

Although he told his doctors he felt better, Sam’s lab results were off on several parameters.  Once more he was discharged and, two days later he was found in his dorm room dead.   Sam’s girlfriend believed a contributing factor to his death might have been that he was not a good advocate for himself.  His parents were in another country at the time of his illness and could not be his advocates. Unlike my wife, Lisa, who expressed her frustration directly to the attending staff, Sam was young lacking the experience of us elders. This, in conjunction with the fact that E.R. staff are under mounting pressure to discharge patients as fast as they can perhaps led to a premature release of this young man.   The observation by the staff doctor that treated my wife, Lisa, that there are too many patients compared to doctors only will worsen If Trump successfully cuts Medicaid.  

The Times article cited a saying in medicine: “When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.”  The point made here is that a patient’s symptoms usually support the most obvious diagnosis, not the rare possibility.  Even an autopsy was unclear as to the etiology of Sam’s death.  The need to make decisions quickly in an ever-increasing patient population admitted to E.R. settings, in conjunction with Sam’s symptoms that did not support a simply explained diagnosis, very likely contributed to his death.

 One outcome of AI employed with beneficial intentions is that someday soon it will alleviate the pressure doctors face in decision making.  But until that time, any patient entering an E.R. need hope that he or she’s symptoms fit the diagnostic category of a horse rather than that of a zebra.

Farewell to a Great Actress

Diane Keaton, who recently passed had–what I referred to in an earlier blog–sprezzatura.  As you may have guessed, sprezzatura has Italian roots; it is defined by a way of doing things with effortless grace that conceals the effort involved.  Contrary to her having said she never felt comfortable or secure in her work, what she brought to the big screen appeared flawless.

With a deep yearning to appear on the stage, Diane took the leap from acting in community settings in Santa Ana, California, to departing for Manhattan as a nineteen-year-old ingenue.  I know full well that that was no small move because I did the reverse by going from living in Manhattan to Santa Ana to complete my internship in psychology.  Although she had a role in the play, Hair, on Broadway, she took a giant step forward when she auditioned for a role in Woody Allen’s theatrical work, Play it Again Sam.  Woody immediately knew that Keaton had stage presence when he said about her: “One talks about a personality that lights up a room, she lit up a boulevard.” 

Woody had a preternatural ability in discovering talent, so he made sure not to let Diane go.  As a pair, their collaboration in film making was marked by great success.  Although she starred in several of Allen’s films, the high point of her film career was her role in Annie Hall where she played the role of the film’s title character.  Diane’s birth name was Diane Hall but because another actress had the same name, she changed her surname from Hall to her mother’s maiden name of Keaton.  It is not a coincidence that Annie’s last name is “Hall,” or as Ms. Keaton had said: “I’m playing an affable version of myself.”

In her 2011 memoir, Then Again, she wrote that when making Annie Hall, Allen told her to “wear what you want to wear so I did what Woody said:  I wore what I wanted to wear, rather, I stole what I wanted to wear from the cool-looking women on the streets of New York.”  Diane Keaton shaped fashion rather than allowing fashion to shape her tastes in clothing apparel.  Other actresses tried to imitate her attire but never quite with the poise and sprezzatura of Ms. Keaton.  Ralph Lauren, the famed fashion designer for women, stated that although he was credited with dressing Diane in her role as Annie Hall, it was really Diane’s style, a style that had its own mark of authenticity.

Keaton and Allen, the two lead characters in Annie Hall, play off their own insecurities.  Annie is flighty and self-possessed, but these traits appear to go well with Allen’s character, Alvy Singer, and his neurotic anxieties.  The development of their highly unlikely partnership, accentuated by their different ethnic cultures, East Coast Jew and mid-Western Protestant, speaks to the heart of the film. Keaton’s bodily gestures underscore her unique choice in her outfits that add to the combination of beauty and kookiness she exemplifies.  Although Diane had been nominated for other Oscars, she received her only academy award as best actress for her role in Annie Hall.

 Even though I remember her mostly as a comedic virtuoso, she starred in many other movies proving her talents extended far beyond comedy.  In the same year, a few months earlier than Annie Hall came out in 1977, another movie, Looking for Mr. Goodbar, was released in which Keaton’s role was in stark contrast to her role as Annie Hall.  Based on a true story, she played a young teacher in New York, highly insecure and vulnerable, looking for love.  The currency she uses to gain notice and attention with strangers of the opposite sex is through her body.  She prowls bar after bar in the single’s scene in Manhattan, in search of the love she lacks, offering her body on one-night stands with tragic results.  I recall taking in this movie with my brother, Andrew, with great difficulty due to the powerful portrayal by Ms. Keaton of what it was like to experience the degradation of this woman.  Molly Haskell’s review in New York magazine called Ms. Keaton’s “the performance of a lifetime.”  

I always will remember Ms. Keaton for her marvelous and unique talent as a beautiful actress with great comedic skills enhanced by her wardrobe.  In her memoir she wrote: “For some unfathomable reason, comedy is invariably relegated to the position of second cousin to drama.  Looking back, I’m so happy and grateful to be in a Great American Comedy.  Humor offers one of the benign ways of coping with the absurdity of it all.”   Ms. Keaton knew how to draw from her own insecurities the necessary ingredients to forge a legacy of versatility, courage, and a deep understanding of the human condition.

  A Prayer for Peace

This past Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement for Jewish people, concluded over a week ago.  As it is a day of reflection, my mind wandered from the burden of current events to the more personal moments I cherished from the past. In the immediate present, I acutely sensed the world’s reaction to the Israeli invasion of Gaza, as having been a negative one.  I pondered over what had been most evident: This war has caused much hostility directed toward Jewish students on college campuses.

During all this turmoil, there has been a conflation of antisemitism and antizionism.  To clarify a point, I do not believe anyone is either antisemitic or antizionist if they disagree with some of Israel’s policies under Prime Minister Netanyahu.  I would fall under that category if it were so, as I and many American Jews, along with many Israelis, have disagreed with what Netanyahu has done.  However, to blame any person of Jewish heritage for these policies or for calling for the extinction of the state of Israel, to me, are clear acts of antisemitism.  When college students chanted free Palestine “from the River (Jordan) to the Sea (Mediterranean),” an area that encompasses all of Israel, whether they knew it or not, they were calling for the end of Israel.  This slogan and others like that are not only antizionist but also antisemitic given that Israel has served as the home for Jewish refugees from all over the world.

A giant step forward in the long history of Judeo-Christian relations occurred when Pope Paul VI, in 1965, repudiated the idea that Jews were collectively responsible for the death of Jesus.  The document called the Nostra Aetate explicitly stated that the responsibility for Jesus’s crucifixion could not be attributed to “all the Jews, without distinction, then alive, nor against the Jews today.”  Pointing the finger at all Jewish people when Israel may go astray of public opinion bears much similarity to faulting us all for the crucifixion of Jesus.

But then my mind switched gears evoking the nostalgic memories I had of my beloved first cousin, Mike Natelson, who passed away two years ago.  We had lived together for several years before we married and, he imparted to me an appreciation of life.  

As mentioned earlier, during Yom Kippur we spend an entire day fasting and atoning for any sins we may have committed. A large part of the prayers that day consists of Al Hets (transliterated from the Hebrew to the English) that translates to: “We have sinned.”  You name it as just about any conceivable sin from corruption to bribery to adultery to slander and gossip is included in the Al Hets.  Upon reading silently each sin, the custom is to tap your heart with your right hand as a reminder not to repeat what you might have done during the year.  Sitting next to him in temple, Mike, kiddingly, always would remind me to hit myself harder and I, in gest, would take the kibbutz and tap my heart harder with each Al Het. This provided us both with a moment of levity that we could share during the gravity of the observance of prayer and fasting on Yom Kippur.  The nature of our deep feelings toward one another allowed us to enjoy these times.

On a more serious note, President Trump with the help of his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, Tony Blair, and Steve Witkoff has negotiated a cease fire with the hope of a lasting peace.  He has received praise from both the Israeli and Palestinian side, a miracle in and of itself.  Let us hope and pray that both Hamas and Israel abide by the terms of the proposed peace treaty between the two sides.  If they do, it will be a wonderful way to begin the Jewish New Year.

Italy’s Girlfriend Passes

When I read of Claudia Cardinale’s death, I immediately recalled my most vivid recollection of her: Her role as an actress in Federico Fellini’s masterpiece film, 8 ½.  I saw this movie shortly after it came out in 1963 when I was about 20 years old and, and at that age, most impressionable.  Because my focus will be on Claudia Cardinale and her part in 8 ½, I will restrict my discussion of Fellini’s work to the way he employed Cardinale.  The film had a clear autobiographic element insofar as its protagonist is Guido (played by Marcello Mastroiami), a movie director, who appears overwhelmed by all the demands made on him. 

The beginning of the film shows Guido retreating to a health spa with the hope a stay there will provide him with the rest and recuperation that will free him from his writer’s block.  Once there he hires a producer to both offer him suggestions and to critique his script.  Unfortunately, his discontent and frustration with himself and those around him, namely his wife and his mistress, are not allayed when the producer criticizes what he has written. 

The beauty of Fellini’s picture lies in the way it portrays the inner processes of Guido’s mind as he avoids his present difficulties.  He is sodden with images of his past when he was a child.  He sees himself dancing with a seaside prostitute, Saraghina, and later being admonished by a priest causing his guilt, as a Catholic, to subsume his thoughts.  Guido’s escape into his childhood only appears to heighten his anxieties about what he can do in the immediate present and impending future as a film director.

The mental image that Guido draws of the prostitute, Saraghina, is that of a woman clad in black.  In juxtaposition to Guido’s mind saturated with these images, comes, almost floating, an actress called Claudia, played by Ms. Cardinale.  In contrast, to the prostitute, Claudia is dressed in white, Guido’s mental image of the pure woman.  Through the eyes of Guido, throughout the film she is seen this way.  Guido summons her to his side imploring her to have a role in his film as the Ideal Woman.  In viewing Claudia as the Ideal Woman, Guido attempts to latch onto her and rid himself of his memories related to his carnal desires for the likes of Saraghina in the past and his mistress in the present, Carla, (played by Sandra Milo).

Guido sees Claudia as a Muse who he hopes can lead him out of his mental confusion. He perceives her as a child and yet already a woman whose radiant white light represents the opposite of his carnal desires.  Perhaps she is Guido’s salvation.  But she appears more like an intangible, more imagined than real, perhaps an invention of the director’s mind.  Guido gropes helplessly at this ethereal figure   embodied by Cardinale.

Shortly after seeing 8 ½ , I recall viewing Sandro Botticelli’s famous painting, The Birth of Venus, where the Roman goddess, Venus, coming from a seashell, arrives at the shore after her birth.   I likened that image to that of Claudia emerging from Guido’s mind, floating, untouchable, not to be disturbed.  Though she starred in many other films quite different from that of 8 ½, my memory of her always will relate to her role in this Fellini picture.

Claudia Cardinale would never be regarded as a cinematic sex queen such as the curvaceous Bridgette Bardot, Anita Ekberg or Sophia Loren.  Rather, to the Italian public she was more like the “girl next door,” beautiful but not ostentatious.  Any man lucky enough to present Claudia as a girlfriend to his mother, I am sure would have very much pleased that mother.  Upon reading Ms. Cardinarle’s obituary, this image of her, that of the purity and innocence of the girl next door, remains etched in my mind. 

Watershed Moment

Last week my wife, Lisa, and I attended a short workshop led by the South Coast Interfaith Council introducing us to the work of the Braver Angels, a movement founded by John Woods.  The main topic addressed at this event was depolarizing ourselves.  We were asked to break up to small subgroups and discuss our own tendencies to maintain polarizing views of people that think differently from us. The driving force behind Braver Angels is to bring people together with different viewpoints (such as political perspectives) and have them talk to another in a respectful accepting manner. 

Although the group was multiethnic, it appeared  politically they all were pretty much progressives as one of them proudly admitted.  Unfortunately, it is rare when conservatives and liberals convene in one group these days.  People congregate in places where they feel most comfortable, where, in short, they can be accepted for their ideas and where they do not have to hide their true beliefs.  A deeper understanding of the other side cannot be addressed in that side’s absence.  Moreover, the power of social media, where inflammatory remarks attacking the “other,” serve only to reinforce this trend of shielding one’s own beliefs.

I am not saying that movements, such as Braver Angels, are not of value.  Thus, for example, an underlying premise of the teachings of Braver Angels is not to attack the messenger:  That is linked to the ad hominem (literally, to the man) argument fallacy; rather, it is the content of that message that can be discussed and judged.  Falling prey to the ad hominem argument, allows the interlocutor to assassinate the character of the other.  It reinforces violence as a means of dealing with the words spoken by the other side and renders our constitutional rights to freedom of speech impotent.  We, as a country, do not want to emulate the political movements led by Hitler, Stalin and Mao in the past, or Putin and Xi in the present, where the people under those leaders who expressed their differences either wound up dead or incarcerated. 

The murder of Charlie Kirk, the conservative reformer who tried to speak to both sides on college campuses, is emblematic of the grave danger Americans face for expressing their political views. Charlie Kirk is not the first to have been attacked for where he stood on controversial matters.  No, I am afraid there have been others, both left and right, on the political spectrum.  But, as Utah Governor Spencer Cox declared, this last act of violence may represent a watershed moment in the history of America.  A watershed or a turning point indicating we as a country can stop the drift downward of the listing ship of America or our country, like the Titanic, may sink in its political mire of hate.

Because the countervailing winds are strong, it will not be an easy task! In the social media’s hateful content along with political leaders such as Representative Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, a Democrat, and South Carolina GOP Representative Nancy Mace both of whom pinned the blame of Charlie Kirk’s death on the other side.  Even worse, is President Trump’s vows to punish his opponents, namely, the radical left.  When both sides are culpable, casting blame on one side is not the way to heal the hurt felt by all.   On the other hand, Governor Cox exceeded the performance of his colleagues in positions of political leadership.  Upon hearing of the assassination of Charlie Kirk he said: “My young friends out there, you are inheriting a country where politics feels like rage.  It feels like rage is the only option.  Your generation has an opportunity to build a culture that is very different from what we are suffering through right now, not by pretending differences don’t matter, but by embracing those differences and having hard conversations.”

Ezra Klein, a highly respected liberal columnist for the New York Times, who speaks to a large audience of like-minded people, also took the high road in interpreting the events surrounding the assassination of Charlie Kirk.  He gave his opinion on the op-ed page of the New York Times by writing:  You can dislike much of what Kirk believed and the following statement is still true:  Kirk was practicing politics in exactly the right way.”  Klein pointed out that his opinion on college campuses offset the pervasive leftist influence of so many of these universities offering young people a different lens to formulate their political opinions.

Political disagreements may become intense and emotional but the heat from them should never rise to violent acts.  The New York Times Editorial Board indicated that thirty-four percent of college students said they supported using violence in some circumstances to stop a campus speech, a figure up from twenty-four percent in 2021.  This is a dangerous trend that needs to be addressed by the press, influencers on social media, parents and, finally, our political leaders. Rather than creating safety spaces where those of like mind can meet “safely” on college campuses, groups like Braver Angels can teach students how to depolarize their thoughts and begin listening to the other side. This will allow for a more meaningful conversation with those who have opposing views than we have.  

The Folly of Donald Trump

Two weeks ago, we Americans and others around the globe, watched, many of us appalled, when President Trump greeted Vladimir Putin with the red carpet off the latter’s plane.  As the two walked side by side, they were all smiles with Mr. Trump, not only shaking Putin’s hand but also grasping it and patting it.  Trump’s behavior to a malevolent dictator was hard to explain.  Our president appeared much too kind to a person that has been responsible for the lives of many from Ukraine and Russia.

Trump’s desire to see the killing between the two countries ended, by arriving at a peaceful agreement, is clearly something we all would like to witness.  So, my first thoughts were perhaps there was some method to Trump’s madness in meeting with Putin, the perpetrator of the current violence between Ukraine and Russia. 

Trump’s summit in Alaska with Putin resulted in the trip that all of Europe’s leaders made to America in their attempt to understand what his true feelings were regarding Ukraine and Russia. Ukraine President Zelenskyy made a point of attending this meeting and, with due diligence, dressed more formally than he had when he last met with Trump in the White House.  That meeting as we all know did not go well for Zelenskyy.  Trump immediately complimented Zelenskyy on the black suit he was wearing at this last assembly with the heads of Europe.

If nothing else, President Trump managed to unify all the European prime ministers in their strong support for Ukraine.  Trump indicated a desire for the killing to stop.  President Zelenskyy along with the others were asking for a cease-fire that would at least put a pause to the deaths.  Trump, despite his wish to see the war end, would not guarantee a cease fire.  Though he declared his summit with Mr. Putin a success, it was obvious that Trump was unable to secure any guarantee of a cease fire with the Russian leader.  Unlike the rest of Europe, Trump has been reluctant to back Ukraine against the aggressive initiatives taken by Putin.  Rather, than backing the democratic ideals embodied in NATO, Trump has looked the other way in his effort to establish a relationship with Putin and broker a deal between him and Zelenskyy.

Deep down, I believe Trump comprehends that it is Putin and not Zelenskyy that is keeping the war going.  If there is going to be a peace between Ukraine and Russia, Trump recognizes that Putin has the power and influence to make it happen.  Accordingly, it is Putin not Zelenskyy that he believes stands in the way of his efforts to end the war that would earn him the right to a Nobel Peace Prize.  Unfortunately, Trump’s huge ego has blinded him to the type of individual he has been trying to impress with obsequious gestures such as a red-carpet greeting, handshakes smiles and sweet talk.  As Thomas Friedman, a columnist for the New York Times put it, “Putin is a bad guy, a coldblooded murderer.  He is not the friend of the president.”

After the meeting he had with Trump in Alaska, once more Putin bombarded Kyiv with missiles killing at least 27 people.  Trump had earlier stated he would wait two weeks before he made any decisions about the war.  In the interim, Trump has at least agreed to sell arms to Europe so the latter can reinforce and strengthen Ukraine’s military position.  What Trump has refused to acknowledge is that Putin does not want peace with Ukraine but rather as Friedman wrote, I believe correctly, “a piece of Ukraine.”

A Quiet Celebration

A few weeks ago, my wife Lisa and I attended a live Paul Simon concert, titled:  A Quiet Celebration.  Paul played some of his newer songs the first half of the concert, tunes I had little familiarity with, and after the intermission played some of his hits from the past.  Although Simon has had a prolific career in writing many songs, I will address only a few of my favorites, some of which he did play the night of the performance we attended.

Prior to singing Homeward Bound, Simon mentioned he had written this song when he was 24 years old with apparent fond memories.  The opening words are:

I’m sitting in the railway station

Got a ticket to my destination

On a tour of one-night stands my suitcase and

Guitar in hand.

With all of Simon’s success in churning out music in a variety of locales, there remains this underlying wish to return Home where his girl friend or as he writes his “love lies waiting.”  Sometimes the luster that fame brings cannot replace the familiar sights of one’s native environment when one’s sense of loneliness becomes pervasive.  The fans his concerts bring forth meld into one-night stands with little value next to the things Simon misses and loves.

Another favorite of mine, If I Could, is Simon’s preferences by comparison, all of which have a rhythmic chime to them with the first stanza being the following:

I’d rather be a sparrow than a snail

Yes, I would

If I could

I surely would.

The last three lines of the stanza repeat themselves in all but one of the four stanzas of the song.  Much of this song, like so many melodious tunes, resembles the fine language of poetry.  The second stanza begins and ends with the same three lines as the first stanza.

The link between the two stanzas appears to be Simon’s yearning for movement and action over passivity and inertia as reflected by a sparrow and a hammer vis-à-vis a snail and a nail.   The rhyming of the objects adds to the beauty of the song.  The author appears to be seeking a certain freedom as opposed to being stuck in one’s circumstances.  This is elaborated in a different manner in the last comparison made by the songwriter when he desires to be a forestthan a street.  The forest brings us the image of nature unsoiled by the decay of urbanization as personified by a street.

The song ends, not with a comparison, but in the following way:

I’d rather feel the earth beneath my feet

With the same refrain as the above comparisons completing the stanza. I believe those last four lines summarize the theme of the song that represents the active process of fully taking in and appreciating our natural surroundings.  Rather than move with little consciousness nor awareness, it brings us inestimable joy when we actively experience the beauty of our environment.

Mrs. Robinson was perhaps the most famous song that Simon wrote.  We all remember it for appearing in The Graduate, the film that brought Dustin Hoffman immediate fame.  Simon had worked on the song with the intention of it reflecting the past, its tentative title being Mrs. Roosevelt.  When Mike Nichols liked the sound of it, he asked Simon to score it for the movie, The Graduate, that he was in the process of directing.  How different the character of Mrs. Robinson is than that of Eleanor Roosevelt.  In the film, Mrs. Robinson is a middle aged unhappy alcoholic woman preying on Dustin Hoffman, a recent college graduate.  She is the symbol of the lust and tumult of the ‘60’s when the film was made and takes place.  The song depicts Joe Dimaggio, the New York Yankee star, a hero gone and replaced by the looseness and immorality of the present.   The lines of the song reflecting this loss are:

          Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

          Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you

          Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away

          Woo, woo, woo

          What’s that you say Mrs. Robinson?

          Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away.

In the film, when Mrs. Robinson (played by Anne Bancroft) seduces Benjamin Braddock (Hoffman’s role), he loses his innocence.  The metaphoric loss of Joe DiMaggio represents a hero that reflects another time, when life was simpler and not complicated by the hustle bustle and unending cries of contemporary culture.

The irony of these lines was that DiMaggio himself did not understand the symbolism behind the above words.  When Simon and DiMaggio met by chance in a restaurant the latter pointed out to Simon: “I’m a spokesman for the Bowery Savings Bank and I haven’s gone anywhere.”  After his career as a Yankee had ended, DiMaggio’s past stardom gave him the opportunity to do the T.V. ads for a popular bank in New York City. 

At their meeting, Simon explained to Joe that the lines were not meant literally but rather to point out to DiMaggio that he was a true hero of the past where in the present such individuals are in short supply.  According to Simon, DiMaggio accepted the explanation and they shook hands and parted amicably.  Of course, like the song, and indeed to many, DiMaggio’s deeds as a great baseball player were a thing of the past.

Simon finished the concert with one of my favorite songs he and Garfunkel had written:  The Sound of Silence.  The title of the song stands out as it has an oxymoronic ring to it for how can silence sound?  The songwriters express the lack of communication felt by all when they sing: 

          People talking without speaking

          People hearing without listening

          People writing songs that voices never share

          No one dared

          Disturb the sound of silence

When I first heard the song, the imagery of the “flash of a neon light,” a human artifice, only appeared to exaggerate and bring to the forefront the sound of silence.  But, more so, the intensity of the song comes from the oxymoron, sound of silence, that is repeated throughout the song.  That silence has so much power that it appears to have a voice of its own, stifling the will to break free of it by rendering us all in a state of paralysis.  When we hear the words sung so brilliantly by Simon and Garfunkel, we recognize how important communication is and how the lack of it can sorely affect us all.

The Red Sox Dump Rafael Devers 

I had the pleasure of seeing Rafael Devers’ debut game against the Seattle Mariners in Seattle on July 26th, 2017.  Although he went hitless that day, the next day he hit a home run, his first in the major leagues.  Devers’ confidence as a rookie, I believed, augured well for the Red Sox.  The Sox management apparently agreed with my assessment, and before Devers could wander off to another team as a free agent, they rewarded him with a 10-year contract that paid over 313 million dollars two years ago.

When I was coming of age, my father told me that I had adjusted to and handled the vagaries of life quite well.  Baseball, like life, has its own vagaries.  Unfortunately, I do not believe Rafael reacted well to those vicissitudes, so much a part of baseball.  Although most of the sportswriters took the side of Devers after the Red Sox traded him to the San Francisco Giants, I disagreed.  The sportswriters criticized the Boston team’s owners for not treating Devers wisely insofar as they had not communicated to him he would not be playing third base when they signed Alex Bregman, a third baseman, regarded as a much better fielder than Devers.  Was it necessary to tell Devers that they were pursuing a superior player at his position before the offer was made?  I, for one, do not think so.  After all, how would they know that they were going to land Bregman, a highly touted player, who had received a lot of attention from other ball clubs.

Devers balked at management’s desire to use him as a designated hitter.  He stubbornly resisted, stating his position was third base with finality, unwilling to bend to the wishes of management.   The Sox ownership based their decision to choose Bregman as the starter at third base because it was understood that he was the superior fielder.  Throughout his time with the Boston club, Devers had committed more than his share of fielding errors at third base.  Devers’ refused to accept this reality resulting in bad vibes for all the younger players that looked up to Devers for his overall skills as a more seasoned teammate.

So, the season started with Devers as the designated hitter against his will; he did not get a hit for his first 28 at bats striking out much of the time.  It was apparent to me that Rafael had become enslaved by an overactive ego.  Fortunately for the Red Sox, Devers broke out of his hitting slump and began living up to the reputation he had had as an excellent hitter.  But unfortunately, soon after, early in the season, both Devers and his team encountered a second unknown when Triston Casas, the Sox first baseman, suffered a knee injury that put him out of commission for the entire season. 

Because Boston did not have a good substitute for Casas, the management wanted Devers to replace Casas.  The owners tried to encourage Devers to take practice fielding balls at first base, a position regarded as easier to learn than other positions in the infield.  Devers again refused. On May 9th, 2025, John Henry, the principal owner of the Sox along with president Sam Kennedy and Craig Breslow, chief baseball officer, all flew out to Kansas City where the Bosox were playing, to sit down with Devers and talk about the club needs.  The content of the meeting was not made public but, after the meeting, it was evident that Devers did not wish to comply with management’s need to fill the gap left at first base due to Casas’ knee injury.

On June 15th, Devers was traded to the San Franciso Giants, the team that agreed to pick up the 255 million left on Devers’ contract with the Red Sox and send them four pitchers, two in the major league, and two in the minor league.  Perhaps David Ortiz, ex Red Sox Hall of Famer, put it in the most concise yet truthful manner in discussing Devers plight: “Your worst enemy is your ego.”

Recently, baseball’s vagaries once more attacked the Red Sox when their ace, Garret Crochet, pitched an excellent game, in which his team was beating the Los Angeles Angels 1 to 0 going into the 8th inning.  In the bottom of the 8th inning, Greg Weissert, one of Boston’s better relievers came in and allowed Christian Moore, one of the Angel’s worst hitters to hit a home run.  This resulted in Crochet not being able to obtain the win for his stellar performance.  But it does not end here.  In the bottom of the 10th inning, with Boston ahead 2 to 1, Christian Moore hit another home run with a runner on base off Justin Wilson.  That home run ended the game with an Angel victory 3 to 2.

However, it is not like good pitchers never receive team support. When Crochet pitched again against the Cincinnati Reds, his teammates got 7 runs in the 1st inning of the game.  Crochet’s performance, that day was not great because he gave up 4 earned runs and one unearned run in 6 innings.  But the 1st inning lead gave Boston the cushion Crochet needed to win the game at a score of 13 to 6.  The irony here, of course, is that Crochet did not get the win against the Angels where his performance was far better than against the Reds where he was credited for the victory.  Such is the beauty of baseball:  One never knows what is going to happen next.  Rafael Devers discovered this in spring training.  As Big Papi (D. Oritz) alluded:  What’s best for the team takes priority over what’s best for the individual player.

80th Birthday

Many years ago, my mother told me that we criticize the living and eulogize the dead, and given that human tendency, she believed in the importance of celebrating the limited time we have on earth.  My older brother, Benj, and I have thrown some wonderful parties in the past.  Inasmuch as the world suffered the plight of the Covid virus, by necessity I had to bring in my 75th birthday with a quiet romantic dinner with my wife, Lisa.

Suddenly, I found myself soon to turn 80, a milestone event in anyone’s life that has made it that far.  Knowing that this could be one of the last big celebratory events in my life, I went all out for it.  I invited my family, friends of old and new from near and afar to celebrate this occasion.  With the assistance of my wife, Lisa, we planned to have the event at the aquarium in Long Beach.  My roommates from college and relatives were invited to have dinner prior to the big event on Sunday.  Lisa prepared a slide show of our past travels that included many of those I invited to the aquarium.  I spent the greater part of a day writing brief summaries of each of my guests that I hoped would capture not only my relationship with them, but also would highlight some defining characteristic of that person.  I wanted to stay away from the negative focusing on my positive memories of everyone.

A friend of Lisa told both of us if she had known in advance that I would talk about everyone at the party, (and there were 90 people there), she would have thought it would be extremely boring listening to it.  But, on the contrary, she indicated that the event sped by and that she thoroughly enjoyed it.

I also planned to visit the family and their children with whom I had stayed in Mexico in 1983 and 1993.  During those times, I had stayed with the parents of three sons and a married daughter, who lived in Guadalajara.  The sons, all about 10 to 15 years younger than I, became close friends, one of them Gonzo, was fluent in English so he would correct my grammar when I made a mistake while speaking Spanish.

Now all but Gonzo was married and so I invited their children with Connie, their older sister, and her daughter to come to dinner with Lisa, Rosie, and me.  Rosie, a friend of mine, who I met in 1990, while working in a bilingual clinic, was born in Mexico. Lisa had become friendly with Rosie, so she asked me to invite her to come with us as her translator.   Lisa knew I would be speaking in Spanish with the family, many of whom did not speak any English, so she said that she would feel more included in the company of Rosie.

For the dinner, I had written a brief essay describing my experience and the good memories I had of my friends’ parents.  While staying with their parents, I had learned the expression:  Mi casa es tu casa that translates literally to my home is your home.  It is a cordiality that Mexicans often show to others and, in my case, I really felt the truth in that saying.  I also recalled the wonderful home-made meals made that I joyfully devoured.   After I had left, the sons had told me their parents thought of me as an adopted American brother.

When it was time for dessert and with some cake being served, everyone spontaneously sang feliz cumpleanos to me.  I was able to talk to many of the children of my friends and, before we knew it, the restaurant was closing as it was after midnight.  It was a wonderful week of celebration and both my American and Mexican friends and family complimented me on their experience in anointing me to that of an octogenarian.

Mental Health in Sports

The belief that athletes are supposed to be immune from emotional problems is based more on myth than reality.  According to the American College of Sports Medicine, 30% of females and 25% of male student athletes suffer from anxiety.  Moreover, 35% of elite athletes in addition to anxiety reported having burnout and depression.

At the Tokyo Olympics in 2020, Simone Biles, world class gymnast, experienced, the “twisties,” a mental performance lapse. Here the gymnast becomes disoriented in mid-air and is unable to do a twisting skill, an athlete, like Simone, previously had done countless times.  When Biles withdrew from participating in the Olympics, she was widely criticized for not overcoming issues that stemmed from mental rather than physical factors.  To her credit, subsequently, Biles pursued therapeutic treatment and, and much to the admiration of her fans won four gold medals at the Paris Olympics in 2024.

Insofar as I am a Boston Red Sox diehard fan, I follow their players quite closely.  In 2022, Jarod Duran, the Red Sox outfielder was having difficulty coping with the long grinding schedule of major league baseball.  His batting average had gone down precipitously from where it had been the year before along with his skills as a fielder where he was committing a lot of errors.  As the season progressed, it had been reported that Duran was suffering from depression.  Furthermore, during the offseason, there were rumors that Duran had had some suicidal ideation.

However, as was the case of Simone Biles, Duran attended to his mental health issues and has performed, as well as management expected, in the ensuing years.  His current level of play is on par with the way he executed prior to the onset of his emotional problems that obviously had affected him. 

A few weeks ago, the Red Sox were playing against the Cleveland Indians at Progressive Field in Cleveland, and a fan at the game began heckling him about his past struggles with his mental health.  Duran responded verbally resulting in the two of them escalating their intensity.  Security personnel at the event then escorted the fan from his seat out of the ballpark.  Management and security then made the decision to ban this fan from coming to any further Cleveland contests for a lifetime.  Major League Baseball applauded this decision. Moreover, the Yankee captain, Aaron Judge, who is having a spectacular so far, added his emotional support to Duran and any player succumbing to the emotional stress that often confronts great athletes. I am not a Yankee fan, but I very much respect Judge in backing up a player from a rival team, as sincere and well-intentioned.  The public needs to better understand, that athletes like the rest of us, are not immune to the stressors borne by their profession.