Categories
Sayings

No News Is Good News Except When….

My mother always would remind us that no news is good news. Years ago, I was involved in a Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD) where an employee at an agency had suddenly died.  Many companies offer CISD’s that have the purpose of allowing the coworkers of the deceased a safe and structured setting to express their thoughts and feelings as a group/and or as individuals.  Upon my arrival at the location where I was to lead the CISD, I found myself locked out, unable to gain access to the building, on a sweltering day.  Not a good omen I thought.

Inside the building at last, I went to meet with the contact person, the manager of the employees, who were coworkers of the deceased.  When I introduced myself and explained why I had come late, she showed little cordiality toward me.  In conducting prior CISD’s, managers had expressed gratitude toward me in assisting them handle a most unpleasant task.  I did not feel any of those vibes by this woman.  Although I was turned off by her abrasive manner, I thought her unfriendly demeanor might have been related to the stress caused by the death of her employee.  After she showed me to the office where I was to meet with her staff, I asked her if there was a concession or cafeteria in the building where I could grab a light bite.  She said there was some extra food remaining from a potluck for the employees, and that I was welcome to have some.  I asked if she were sure, and she confirmed it with a nod. After I had waited a few hours to see her staff members, the manager came in and, in a mocking derisive tone, told me that she no longer needed my services.  I did not choose to inquire about what I had done to arouse her ire, but rather asked her if she was sure, which she said she was, so I, both frustrated and uncomfortable, departed without having seen any employee.

About a week later, I received a phone call from the insurance company that had hired me to do the CISD.  When the caller identified himself, I told him I was sure that he was not contacting me to give me good news.  “No,” he commented, and then proceeded to tell me about that same manager reporting to him that I was unprofessional, having notes on scrap paper and, furthermore, I had eaten food that was meant only for staff.  When he allowed me to explain my view of what had transpired, he appeared satisfied. 

When you are a contractor like I was, and still am, it is extremely rare for someone to call to give you compliments.   I always have said: “bad news travels faster than good news,” especially, for example, if there has been an airplane accident.  But there is an exception to the rule “no news is good news.”  In 1991, I did not have a broker and was wanting to begin my ascent (or descent) into the stock market.  At a workshop I attended, a fellow participant gave me a business card and told me to contact a broker, named Al, at Bear Stearns.  He told me about all the money he had made following Al’s decisions.

So, I contacted Al, who told me that Bear Stearns, his company, was sponsoring a “great deal” as Kohlberg and Kravis were going public with RJR Nabisco, a company they had bought on a leveraged buyout.  For a brief moment, I winced, fearful of the thought of buying a stock that was affiliated with cigarettes.  Of course, I knew very little about the fundamentals but seeing dollar signs flashing in my mind, I listened to what Al had to say: “It’s a great buy and besides everybody eats cookies.”  Because I already believed in him, there was very little that he could have said that would have dissuaded me and, consequently, I bought 500 shares at $11.  A week later Al phoned me and said RJR Nabisco was currently selling at $12 and, hinted that I should buy some more.  I politely declined telling him that I was just a novice and did not need to be a hog.  Soon after he called, the stock took a downward turn, never recovered, and coincided with Al’s sudden disappearance.  Dismayed, I finally decided to sell my 500 shares at almost exactly half the price I paid for them bidding Al a firm adieu.  Since that time, there has been a book and a movie made about Ross Johnson, called “Barbarians at the Gate,” that featured the greed and ruthlessness of CE0’s with Ross the principal honcho. The merger that Mr. Johnson had crafted between RJR, the maker of Camel and Winston cigarettes, and Nabisco Brands, the home of Oreo cookies, was never a good fit.

This experience taught me that when a broker calls, it’s often the opposite of “no news is good news.”  Rather when he/she suddenly vanishes, let the buyer beware!

Categories
Psychology

Stress Management

When I lived in New York City back in the ‘70’s, from time to time, I would attend events led by a group called Operation on a Shoestring that involved learning about the unique characteristics of the City. Without a doubt, the best turnout of all the events I ever went to featured a talk on Stress Management. In my private practice, stress has been a key issue with many of my clients.

The prevalence of stress with so many of my clients led me to the question: Why more stress now than in the past? Woolfolk and Lehrer (1984) provided some answers to this question that remain relevant today. In their article, they identified four points of modern living that have increased the amount of stress, we human beings, encounter on a regular basis.

The first point is that modernization is the ordering of life by the clock, a fact that increases time-pressured work. The second point is that inasmuch as modern society is undergoing continuous change, the rate of that change is ever increasing (see Alvin Toffler, 1970) and, even more so, today. An example of this rapidity of change is how the women’s liberation movement changed the way men and women perceived their respective roles in society. A third point made by these authors was that industrialization and modernization in enhancing freedom and material well-being of the individual, certainly a positive outcome, created a situation where numerous choices were available. However, too much choice also can be the root of immobilization. With the expansion of our personal freedoms, the extended family disappeared resulting in individual social isolation. Thus, whereas the premodern world was communal and spiritual, contemporary times have brought a greater individualistic and materialistic consciousness.

To deal with the stress of modern life, the following are some of the techniques I have used in my private practice: 1) Cognitive restructuring 2) Assertive training 3) Conflict resolution and 4) Progressive relaxation. I will briefly discuss how I employ these techniques in assisting clients in overcoming their stressors.

Cognitive restructuring is often the treatment of choice when a client is not handling his/her life situation in the best of all ways. The principal intervention with these clients is to help them better cope with the negative aspects of life, such as job or marital difficulties. For example, acknowledging and increasing their tolerance and forgiveness toward others such as spouses, coworkers and/or bosses or supervisors can very much relieve stress.

In an earlier article I wrote, labeled The Four Point Rule of Assertive Behavior, I defined the characteristics of assertive behavior. I have found in my private practice that clients with a variety of presenting problems improve when they become more assertive in their daily lives. Furthermore, this increase in assertiveness assists them in combating the stress they may face at home or in the workplace. Assertiveness means being the primary and ultimate judge of your own behavior, feelings and actions such as being able to say “No” even under pressure. This ability allows one to reduce the stress of the ever increasing burdens brought on by modernization.

The third technique I may employ is conflict resolution in which I find the most important ingredient to be active listening. Active listening can be extremely helpful in alleviating the stress between partners in a relationship by having each member defer his/her own needs and desires by paying better attention to those of one’s partner. The shift from what I want from you, to how can I give you what you want, reduces the antagonistic behavior of each member by allowing the partners to feel more empathy toward one other.

Finally, techniques such as relaxation training and meditation help to induce a relaxed state. Many are unaware of how the ways we breathe can impact our ability to move from a stress response to a more relaxed one. The importance of facilitating relaxation is that this state is incompatible with other emotional states such as anxiety, one of the principal underlying emotions of stress.

After explaining the process, I often tape the session in my office; this allows the client to return home and play the tape at his/her convenience in both a quiet and comfortable setting at home. I encourage clients to play the tape at least daily, and if they have time, to play it two times per day as a means of reducing the impact of the stressful events of their lives. Finally, I encourage an exercise program that I will assist clients in monitoring when they decide to commit to such a program. The value of exercise has been consistently reported, in both medical and psychological journals, to have a beneficial effect on both the physical and psychological health of individuals.

References:

Woolfolk, Robert and Lehrer, Paul. Clinical Applications. In Robert Woolfolk & Paul Lehrer (Eds.), Principles and practice of stress management. New York: Guilford Press, 1984

Toffler, A. Future shock. New York: Random House, 1970